psychological thriller

I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmastime. As we reach the very end of the year and brace ourselves to head into the next, it’s time for me to reflect on my writing, my author business, and also my overall happiness with the way I have been working in 2024. It’s been a strange couple of years; I didn’t manage to write a review of my 2023 goals, nor did I set any heavy targets for 2024. Both of these meant I didn’t make myself accountable here, on my blog. There was a massive reason for this: during the end of 2022 and the bulk of 2023, I was suffering personally from illness, which very much scuppered any plans I had for that year, with the exception of releasing my psychological suspense thriller, Hers or Mine. My recovery was slow, but nevertheless steady, and I wanted no setbacks. This meant that, for 2024, I kept my aims private, and decided that my main goal was to write. Anything. As long as my work progressed in some way, then I would be relatively happy. But I did not want to put any kind of pressure on myself beyond ensuring I continued to recover, and certainly didn’t expect to publish anything.

I did write. I started several projects and, in particular, I progressed pretty well with a noir novella which may turn into a novel; I’m not sure yet. I was aiming for a Hitchcock-esque/Patricia Highsmith claustrophobic vibe because I find that particularly exciting. I also wanted to integrate something experimentally a little bit spicier than my dark suspense books, but nevertheless with my usual darkness of character and twists and turns. This has all led to an extra layer of tension that I’ve been thoroughly enjoying writing, and it has prompted plans for a themed series of standalones in the same vein.

I wrote a tentative plan for a Gothic mystery-thriller series, which has started developing into what I’m going to currently call ‘Gothic with grief and guts’. I have so many ideas for books which have never figured out their place in my writing, but each of them will fit beautifully here. What happened then was a proliferation of ideas – and all for two other series which have been lurking in my head for quite some time. They’re biding their time, and deciding whether or not they will wrangle themselves to fit my current genres of work, or whether they will be something a little…different.

Over the course of the year, I also went right back to my writing roots and started various pieces of short fiction, completing several of them. I was thrilled to find that three of my dark short stories gained places in the Bolts of Fiction charity anthology, published by the very lovely horror author, Daniel Willcocks, of Devils Rock Publishing.

But I wasn’t completely happy. I wasn’t publishing anything myself. I hadn’t, as I mentioned, made firm plans to even try to do so. And, despite being acutely aware that I ought not to push myself too hard, too fast, I couldn’t continue in this vein; it was enough to drive me crazy. I’m a writer, yes, but I’m also a publisher, and I was letting myself down.

So, In early summer, I got back to writing the first draft of You Know You Shouldn’t, the psychological thriller which had been giving me immense trouble the year previously because I hadn’t been quite sure exactly what to do with the narrative, and whether to continue the story of Eva Sewell, my main character, beyond this book. However, I decided that, no matter what, and regardless of whether I’d solved the standalone versus series issue, that You Know You Shouldn’t was coming out by Christmas. So I set a release date for the e-book of Christmas Day, however crazy that sounds. Guess what? The book came out on 25th December, as planned, which made for a great Christmas! I had written, and I had published. AND I’ve solved the narrative issue – there will definitely be more Eva novels to come. Her story is not yet over…

At a similar time that I re-started work on this book, I was also asked to speak on a panel at the Crime Book Festival in Boston, Lincolnshire, here in the UK. I thoroughly enjoyed talking about my writing, and offering advice to audience members who wanted to publish their work. The day ended on a high, as I had the privilege of talking at length with members of the audience and signing copies of my books. It was such a lovely experience, that I also agreed to become an attending author at their main book festival in September. Building up in-person connections over the course of the year has also meant that I have increased sales in signed, personalised copies of my paperbacks, which is something I intend to explore more in the coming months.

But, as I am wont to do, all too often, I have spent portions of the year second-guessing whether I am writing the ‘right thing’, both in terms of what makes me happy and in a business sense, together with agonising over the dilemma of whether my e-books should be available everywhere, or exclusive to Kindle Unlimited. There are pros and cons to both, depending on the genre, the author, as well as business style and objectives. After beating myself up about this for far too long, and making an attempt to remove my e-books from all the stores except Amazon in order to experiment with Kindle Unlimited after a number of years away, I found that I could not be absolutely certain that my books were not still lurking on some stores. I did not want to fall foul of Amazon’s exclusivity terms and conditions, and simultaneously I had a nagging feeling deep inside that, for me, this would actually be the wrong move. So, for all the books I ever write under the ‘Claire Ladds’ brand, I have decided that making my books available in as many places as possible is what I’m doing.

Am I worrying over whether I’m writing what makes me happy? Yes. Am I worrying that I should be writing books that are more in-line with the mainstream, or a long-running series? Yes. Or… oh, pick a thing and I’m probably worrying about it! These questions are a perennial concern for me. What I do know is that, if I’m writing a story that keeps me thinking about it all day, and dreaming about it at night, if it thrills me to plan it, and I have a real connection with my characters, then I’m writing the story I should be writing. I write what I want to read, first and foremost. And then I always hope that there are readers who want to read the same books as me. I’m not the kind of writer who can jump onto current trends, I know that about myself. I, finally, am at peace with the fact that I can only write the books that interest me. Without that, there is no authenticity in my writing and, in turn, no joy. This was something I was troubled by so much when I was in my heyday of writing short fiction for certain types of publications that I actually stopped writing fiction altogether for a while. I never want that to happen again. What I have noticed within myself over the course of this year, and something that has surprised me somewhat, is that I now feel ready to write the story of a character which spans a series of books, a task that I have resisted vehemently for years because I convinced myself that I was unable to do it.

So, what have I managed to achieve in 2024? Well, a bit more than I expected, to be honest:

~ I published my psychological thriller, You Know You Shouldn’t

~ I attended two authors events and met some of my readers

~ I wrote other work that will form the basis of a future publication, and short stories which were published (and for a good cause, which was a bonus)

~ I found new readers who became part of my community in my Readers’ Club, and people who are interested in my work via TikTok, which has resulted in an uptick of sales

~ I made direct, in-person sales bases on word of mouth and personal connection

~ In conjunction with my Readers’ Club, and with a great deal of soul-searching, I developed more clarity over where I want my writing to go, what makes me happy, and what I’d like to write and publish in future months and years.

For an author who set no solid goals for this year in order to ensure I stayed well, I don’t think that’s bad going. But spending some time sitting back and thinking about what I really enjoy, what I want to focus on, and what will also make decent business sense, now means that I have plenty of ideas for how I would like next year’s projects to go. I don’t plan on sitting back and letting the world go by, because that really isn’t like me at all. Writing is my life, and I intend to live it, even if it is only vicariously through my characters (and, considering what some of them get up to, then ‘vicariously’ is probably not a bad thing!).

I’ll be back tomorrow, when I will discuss my writing and business goals for the coming year, together with more details of what this ‘soul-searching’ of mine has revealed, in relation to what you can expect of me in 2025.

See you next year!

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You Know You Shouldn’t is available right now from many e-book stores, as well as from libraries (just request the book). Click the button or the image below to discover more and buy this psychological thriller (with a hint of spice).